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Today, I am really going to open up about my personal life, and I may be led to do this every once in a while, for the purposes of sharing my testimony and also giving Almighty God my praise.
I’ve mentioned in two other blogs that the Lord revealed to me that I had received two serpent bites as a child. My understanding of serpent bites is this: spiritual wounds caused by Pharisee, heretical, false teachings that are contrary to God’s Word. These are spiritual bites on our spiritual body, which happen the moment we accept the false teachings as true. If not corrected and cleaned, the serpent bites fester and infect our ability to believe and trust in Jesus in the way we are meant to, and that ultimately separates us from the power and blessing we are meant to receive, if we were otherwise walking in Truth.
I was talking with a sister in Christ and just sharing with her that I was feeling very overwhelmed by everything. I shared with her that the Lord had been ministering to me about the false teachings I had absorbed as a child; namely:
- Belief that Jesus was “dead” – that He could not save me; (see: http://wp.me/p2CV0l-NG)
- Jesus is cruel and delves out wrathful punishments to His children. (see: http://wp.me/p2CV0l-Ru)
I have really been struggling with a lot of spiritual warfare type issues these last few days, so much so that I began to lose hope. I felt that this spiritual battle would never end, so I shared with this sister via Skype how I was feeling. I told her that the Lord had revealed to me how these two serpent bites have affected my walk and my life. I told her I felt so terribly disappointed in myself, I could not grasp or bear the burden of utter disappointment and shame I was feeling. As I spoke I began to experience feelings of hopelessness and finally by the end of the conversation, I was overtaken by a feeling of complete and utter despair. You see, I thought that by the Lord revealing to me the two serpent bites that I would begin to heal and feel much better, but instead I began to feel worse and worse the more understanding I received, well, the depth of the pain was pure agony.
After we said goodnight, I went to bed and received a dream. I saw myself walking along a city street and the Lord was walking with me. But then something happened and I began searching for a way to protect myself. I formulated a plan to hitchhike, I had to figure out how to get away from aggressive men in the dream, and all the while, I could see the Lord either behind or in front of me, and I blamed Him for what was happening, believing that he was unwilling to help me. He wore a warm coat, I had on a light jacket and was holding a heavy bag. I complained in my heart that He wouldn’t hold the bag for me, and that He refused to notice that I was cold. And the dream ended.
When I woke from the dream, I asked for interpretation from the Lord, and He responded by giving me a Word:
YOU LET GO OF MY HAND. REMEMBER MY SOLEMN PROMISE AND MY SOLEMN OATH. REMEMBER THAT YOU WERE CORNERED. SERPENT BIT YOU.
….remember that I was cornered…. That immediately brought back to memory for me a childhood punishment; I was very young, maybe 3rd or 4th grade, and I remember being on the floor, crouching in a corner, with my dad standing over me shouting. He had his Bible in one hand, and a thick leather belt in the other. As I cried out, “No Daddy, No! Jesus please save me, God help me, I love you Jesus, help me….!” My dad responded, “Who is God? I am your God! Jesus won’t save you, nobody can save you!” He beat me severely and just for good measure, used the Bible against me by thumping it on my head. So, I understood with events like this that while Jesus loved me enough to die on a cross for me, He was powerless to save me from being a bad girl, and from anything else that could happen in my life. Jesus was not truly able to save me from everything and I had to figure out how to “save myself.” I’ve long since forgiven my dad for the abuse, (I know he repented of his gross sin and error, because I prayed with him on the day he died) but, fast-forward 40 years and here I am struggling with these serpent bites, scraping my sores with shards of pottery.
The Lord helped me to understand that our lives can be summed up in one sentence: Life is about perfecting our faith. Once our faith is perfected – it’s time to go home to be with Abba. It’s as simple as that.
Then I fell back to sleep, and received another dream: In this dream, I saw a massive, massive, storm. I saw the floodwaters as darkness – Dark Waters – a terrible, terrible, terrible storm, a tremendously enormous tidal wave of deception.
I stood there, on the horizon, with my jaw dropping – I could not believe what I was seeing. As I watched the storm, I became aware of the most incredible Peace – a Peace never before known to me – a powerful Peace I cannot adequately describe. The Peace was tangible, it was so all-engulfing, so all-encompassing, so rich, so enormous; I could touch it, feel it, hold it, I could taste it’s sweetness. It was nothing short of amazing.
Upon waking, I understood that the Peace I felt was tremendous Boundless Love, Boundless Mercy, Boundless Compassion, Boundless Grace. I sensed Yeshua; He engulfed me, He surrounded me, I knew Him as the most incredible Love I’ve ever experienced in my life. I woke up saying, “Wow, wow…..thank you Abba, thank you…..” He gave me a word, He said, “ACQUAINTED” – I am becoming acquainted with the true Jesus I have prayed to and cried out to for so long. He is helping me get rid of all of the false beliefs about Him – He’s not anything like what I was forced and cornered to believe as a child…He’s unbelievably generous and rich in compassion and mercy. And I’m so thankful that Jesus loves me. I’m so thankful He has revealed the truth about Himself to me via the means of the dreams He is giving me. He has blessed me beyond measure for my patient obedience to Him, stepping out in faith and allowing Him to use me just as I am.
This is the Love Yeshua has for all of His true servants, all those who are called by His Name. Oh how our YHVH Yeshua LOVES us. His mercy endures forever. He is faithful, He is so willing to walk us through the mine fields of our lives and give us hope for the future. No matter how scary these times are that we are living in, we have a blessed assurance and promise from Jesus that He will see us through, even the most painful times.
Pray for our brothers and sisters all over the world who are truly suffering under severe persecution. The persecution I experienced as a child and throughout my life, and what the reader may be experiencing, is nothing in comparison to what many are going through right now – so many have been and are currently being martyred for their belief in Jesus. Lift them up in prayer, join me in asking Abba to bring them His message of Boundless Peace to their hearts and minds.
Psa 3:1-8 A Psalm of David, when he fled from Absalom his son. LORD, how are they increased that trouble me! many are they that rise up against me. Many there be which say of my soul, There is no help for him in God. Selah. But thou, O LORD, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head. I cried unto the LORD with my voice, and he heard me out of his holy hill. Selah.
I laid me down and slept; I awaked; for the LORD sustained me. I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people, that have set themselves against me round about. Arise, O LORD; save me, O my God: for thou hast smitten all mine enemies upon the cheek bone; thou hast broken the teeth of the ungodly.
Salvation belongeth unto the LORD: thy blessing is upon thy people. Selah.